Sex Ed
by IhateMarySue'sSoooooMuch
Summary: When Mr. Garrison gives the class Sex Ed the others question Cartman's sexuality.


"Ok class today we're going to learn how to make babies." Mr. Garrison said happily.

This was the teacher's favourite subject. The class groaned, they all knew about sex and Sex Ed was just a waste of their precious time. Every year it was the same video, the same boring crap. They knew more about sex than any of their elderly teachers who probably hadn't gotten any action since 1987. Mr. Garrison started to show them pictures.

"Now the man sticks his thick, juicy, hot, long rod into the woman's sagging, creepy vagina. Now can anyone tell me what man was famous for dying because he had a horse have anal sex with him?"

Everyone knew the answer because this was not the first time Mr. Garrison asked them this question. Mr. Garrison continued talking.

"His name was Kenneth Pinyan and he died because a horse's dick is huge which is why we call a man with a big penis hung like a horse. Any questions?"

There was silence for several seconds until Eric Cartman raised his hand.

"Yes Eric?"

"Is Kinny gonna die because he seems like he would enjoy getting fucked by a horse."

"HEY! Fuck you Fatass I would never do that." Kenny shouted.

Bill Allen and Fosse Mc Donald started to chuckle.

"Huhuhuhu that's gay!" said Bill.

"Huhuhuhu totally gay!" mimicked Fosse.

"Kenny's gay!" both boys said in unison before chuckling annoyingly.

"OK class let's get back to Sex Ed. Now who knows why God created women?" asked Garrison.

Butters raised his hand.

"So that people could reproduce."

"No you fucking retard! Because he wanted to torture men by putting those slutty, nagging, annoying whores on the planet!" Mr. Hat shouted.

All the girls in the class glared at their teacher.

"Why are you staring at me? Mr. Hat was the one who said it!"

"Your fucking puppet doesn't exist!" snapped Esther.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU SQUINTY EYED BITCH!" shouted Mr. Hat.

"God are you all on your periods or something?" asked Mr. Garrison.

"You better shut the fuck up you cock handling son of a Kardashian!" snapped Lizzy.

"What's wrong with the Kardashians?" asked Butters.

"Their sluts like Pip's mom!" sneered Cartman.

"Eric I think you should shut your mouth or I shall shut it for you." Pip said slightly angry.

"You and what army French Fry?"

The Brit got out of his chair and started beating the fat teen. It took awhile to calm down the class but Mr. Garrison started teaching again.

"OK now who knows why Tom Cruise gets divorced so much by women?"

"Because he's a homo like Stan and Kahl!" said Cartman.

"Shut your mouth fat boy!" shouted the Jew.

"Hey did anyone hear that? It sounds like the mating call of the Jersey, Ginger, Daywalking, Jewish, homosexual, son of a bitch!"

"FINE! Say what you want about me. We all know you're just trying to cover up your homosexuality."

"…What?" asked Cartman.

"Everyone thinks you're gay!" snapped Kyle

"…Nobody thinks I'm gay!" said Cartman.

"I thought you had a crush on Kyle." Butters said.

"…What?" asked both the Jew and Bruce Vilanch.

"Well you sang "I Swear" to him on live TV." Butters pointed out.

"That was only to get Nichole and Token back together!"

"But you only needed to say that speech not sing to him."

"Dude you are pretty gay." Craig said.

"What!?" Cartman couldn't believe it. The class was ganging up on him. It was a 99% rally.

"You dressed up as Brittney Spears and sang about Justin Timberlake touching and cumming on your body and you also dressed up as a chick and sang about your vagina."

"…..Shut up Craig!"

"That's it I don't have sit here and listen to this bullshit! Screw you guys I'm going home!" Cartman started to walk towards the door.

"You can't leave in the middle of class!" snapped Mr. Hat.

"Cartman packs more fudge than Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory!" said Kenny.

The class burst into laughter and Bill and Fosse repeated what they said earlier.

"This is bull crap! Everyone is ganging up on me and spreading rumours and now these bitchy slashers won't leave me alone. Screw you guys I'm going home!" Cartman then flipped everyone off.

**And there a story about Sex Ed. God I hate it! They're going to teach it to us again in a week or two. Some of my teachers actually do look like they haven't gotten laid since the last century. Thanks for any and all reviews! **


End file.
